Professional Help Not unfolding As expected.
My sister in law, who is a psychiatric nurse and whose opinion I value, recommended
that I go to the doctor sessions with my depressed wife, even though I felt there was nothing wrong with me, to support the help for my, depressed wife. We had sessions together and separately with this psychiatrist, MD, doctor. He put my wife on Zolof and an anti-anxiety med, which made sense to me, and which seemed to help her to some degree, and for which I am grateful. However, In the joint sessions the doctor did try to get us to talk about our life together, the result was long silences and intervals where my wife set and sobbed, saying little. When I because uptight and offered some comment, he would tell me to let her answer, and the event just repeated again. The rest of the session was about effects or non-effects about the medications she was taking, He emphasized strict compliance and asked me for verification of the results. Fair enough, maybe he has a plan. this went on for six months, with some slight improvements in my wife's talking, both at home and in the sessions.
I do not know what went on in my wife's private sessions as the doctor keeps it confidential and that with my private sessions, it was the same. In my sessions, I told him my honest gripes, My wife was close to useless, listless, and for no reason, and was totally uninterested in making friendly or loving exchanges and that we had not had sex in a year. And that after nine months of therapy, she still rejected my overtures for closeness to the point I was feeling hopeless and was getting a little depressed myself. At this point the doctor insisted, I start on Zoloff--although I protested against it, with the argument my kind of depression had an obvious cause and was not clinical depression as was my wife's was. (Getting louder-)- That all he needed to do was "fix" my wife and I wouldn't need medication or sessions with him. This was too much for me now, frustrated and angry, I got up and walked out and haven't been back since. I have turned over the job of taking my wife to her appointments to my sister in law. Now I feel guilty and uptight about shifting my responsibility on to my sister in law and evading my responsibilities. But I no longer feel any confidence in this doctor's handling of me or my wife's issues.
My dilemma now is this, my wife does not want to change doctor's for herself, and has become verbal enough to tell me her depression is caused by me and I should get the hell out of her life. I feel I should report that to the doctor, but am now outside the loop. Should I just leave it alone and maybe start perhaps on-line some sort of therapy for my self to tolerate or immunize my self to my wife's new ability to bad mouth me, and chip away at my self-esteem. I'm getting so, that I dread coming home from work to be with her.
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My heart goes out to you, but I cannot make choices for you. Should you personally change doctors go back to he same doctor find a new one or seek on-line help has to be your decision. You report that your depressed wife it appears as the result the sessions has became verbal enough to blame you for her depression in an openly hostile way, you finds hard to take. As if the therapist didn't give a damn about this impacting you adversely and was somehow encouraging your wife to at hostile to you. As that's the way you feel, wither justified or not, it is something you need to work through either with the same therapist, or one of your own choosing. That can be done locally through available mental health sources, of various medical and psychological types that might fit your circumstances. Since you are approaching me and not these recommended services, I presume your are interested in hypnosis as a way to reassert your lost self-esteem, recover the feeling of being in control of your life and crucial now, the coping with not only your wife's depression but her blaming you through hostile vocalizing. (Which might be helping her, but crushing you in the process.) If you feel you have make a change, hypnosis is a way that for the most part attempts to directly change your mind-set and redirect your emotional energies toward appropriate functioning.
It is not medication or psychiatric counseling as ordinarily conceived, but the systematic restarting of motivations though repetitious applications of hypno-scripts that address your personal issues and needs. This is not magic or any pie in the sky stuff. The hypnosis work cannot change actual reality. It can change how you feel about and deal with your realities. In your case, it would logically be, to create a mind-set of immunity to your wife's hostility, re-building your self-esteem and coping abilities. This has to be done over time and new scripts prepared, and as adjusted to meet the inevitable changing circumstances and stresses.
Let me know what you chose to do I would be happy to offer what advice that I can anytime you ask.
Forrest Butler, Hypnosis Master
Ingenio.com
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