e 10 Neurotic Needs of Karen Horney, M.D.you need to know.

List of Neurotic Needs

Psychoanalytic theorist and proponent of systematic Self-Analysis was Karen Horney, the pre- World I born psychoanalyst developed a multiple premise theory of neurosis. IN HER VIEW NEUROSIS, was very broad, as to include all of human experience which can be considered problematic for individuals. The problematic events came from both childhood and environment. Certain functions exist every human that affect or appear to cause key aspects of off tract or problematic results, not necessarily mind sick, but dysfunctional or on some continuum of things neurotic.

She believed that neurosis in its varying degrees resulted from basic anxiety caused by interpersonal relationships. Her theory proposes that strategies used to cope with anxiety are or can be overused, causing them to actually shape the appearance and particular qualities of needs.
If one understand how neurotic needs are so shaped presumably he would then where the purpose of a particular need originated.



According to Horney, basic anxiety (and therefore neurosis) could result from (and was usually traceable to a variety of things built on early development and frequently caused characteristics backward traceable as to being patterns derived from childhood. With development came certain revisions, as  different life passages were encountered. The revisions somewhat modify but keep a portion of the old and largely emotional set preferences as part of the new usually more appropriate settings of the preferences self-other.

Childhood mishandling is of particular important in this. The child’s miss-interpretation of the events also are important. The child is theorized as seeing much of its experience as coming from a hostile outside world. She  added a concept of a Basic Hostility. Basic Hostility of the world agaist the self then is a shaping factor for the adult needed to be part of an self-analysis often to answer the question How can this be that I distrust, feel put upon by others etc.
This Basic Hostility and Basic Anxiety and emotional belief that flow from them has life long influences on self/other needs and other directions, symptoms and dysfunctions. She makes clear one cannot blame all neurosis on parental upbringing.
However actual mishandling results in self[other  set needs to result in distorted results
See suggested ones such as direct or indirect domination, indifference, erratic behavior, lack of respect for the child's individual needs, lack of real guidance, disparaging attitudes, too much admiration or the absence of it, lack of reliable warmth, having to take sides in parental disagreements, too much or too little responsibility, over-protection, isolation from other children, injustice, discrimination, un-kept promises, hostile atmosphere, and so on and so on"

Self-Others, three broad ‘directional’ categories.

The 'neurotic needs' can be classed into three broad categories base on how one relates oneself to others.

 It also sets the term 'Neurotic' on a continuum of degrees found in almost everyone from the more or less normal, to those unquestionably deserving to be called 'neurotic' or sometimes termed in non technical views as sick. Therefore some caution should be used in calling all minor maladjustment and symptoms 'neurotic' unless the point under discussion has effects that are recognizably inappropriate or exaggerated.

Also many things that Dr. Horney's places under the problems or symptoms as 'Neurotic' is without this being any kind of a value judgment. The purpose in self-analysis is to open the way to self understanding. It is intended to be used to explain and offer an additional ways to understand events in respect to their relation to yourself.
 
The Three-- 'Basic self-others Directional Needs, 'Every Human has at times impulses to move himself in directions that could carry meanings 'Neurotic.'

towards others
away from others
against others



These are neurotic needs when they move you in your relationship with others to a degree that overshoots normal satisfaction or self-security goals that affect your relationships to others.


towards others

These neurotic needs cause some individuals to seek affirmation and acceptance from others and are motivators behind dependant clinging. The function to seek out and find approval and love.


away from others

Needs that move you away from others.
These neurotic needs create hostility and antisocial behavior.

These individuals are often described as cold, indifferent, and aloof.


against others

Needs that move you against others.
These neurotic needs result in hostility and a need to control other people. These individuals are often described as difficult, domineering, and unkind. On was return here to a early and strong Basic Hostility as reappearing in adult life with little disguise.

Well-adjusted individuals

Well-adjusted individuals mix balanced others/self relations.


Well-adjusted individuals, thus not mind sick or clinically neurotic, utilize all three of these strategies, shifting focus depending on internal and external factors, adaptively.



What makes these inclinations or coping strategies neurotic?

According to Horney, it is the overuse of one or more of these self-others interpersonal modes. Neurotic people tend to utilize two or more of these ways of coping, at the same time that reinforces or exaggerates results, as to end up in creating in the awareness function recognizable conflict, turmoil, and confusion. And at the same time produce certain behavioral dysfunctions, symptoms or acting out behaviors.

This also an other way of looking at some relationships being, self advantageous or socially destructive.  



In her book Self-Analysis (1942), Horney outlined the 10 neurotic needs she had identified and which we presume are those to which you were at least aware of as your took it on to yourself to self-analyze.

 She seemed confident that most not to mind sick and reasonably intelligent can recognize these when they have a knowledge or their nature. You will know them when you see them and their is no need to memorize the list and try to force everything you turn up as you proceed.

You should read this lists and similar ones you may find as being

good only for there assistance values useful as  recognition aids, not some kind of black and white litmus tests. This applies also to all those interesting and fun personality tests you may be trying. They are useful for their recognition value not as a complete  analysis of yourself.

 They or most other things the kind are not magic passports or holy books for a meaningful self-analysis.

Neurotic Needs ( or sub-needs i.e., prestige/admiration/self display are suggested here to be seen also as possibly a cluster of effects all related even though sometimes polar in meaning).

Some the needs offered here may belong together in some other cluster than the one they turn up in. Dream analysis provides clues as to many tricky transpositions of needs. Don't expect to find a cookbook procedure with that answers all questions. No such book exists in reality. Your mind is your mind and ultimately you must work its special nature as it exists uniquely within you.

These is no good reason why you should not make it a life long tool permitting self analysis as you need it. On demand so to speak.


Any expectations that such self analysis will make you a perfect or super person will fail as life is an ongoing thing with new challenges just ahead.

In the end is as miage that moves just ahead of you. Hopfully not one of delusion but of a new interest,s new adventures, interisting and more understandable.

Many directional relationships are layered and mixed what you can see today may not fully explain itself until months or years later rather than instantly. There is always more if only new drama telling a fresh version od an old very human story,

 Until then, you must continue to fight many resistances events, work through what is being uncovered, and move on to exploring things new and old.





1. The Neurotic Need for Affection and Approval

This needs include the desires to be liked, to please other people, and meet the expectations of others. People with this type of need are extremely sensitive to rejection and criticism and fear the anger or hostility of others.


2. The Neurotic Need for a Partner Who Will Take Over One’s Life
This involves the need to desire such a partner.

People with this need suffer extreme fear of being lonely, abandoned by their partner. Oftentimes, these individuals place an exaggerated importance on physical aspects of love and believe that having the right partner will resolve all of life’s troubles.

3. The Neurotic Need to Restrict One’s Life Within Narrow Borders


Individuals with this need prefer to remain inconspicuous and unnoticed. They are undemanding and content with little. They avoid wishing for material things, often making their own needs secondary and undervaluing their own talents and abilities.


4. The Neurotic Need for Power, Control.

Individuals with this need seek power for its own sake. They usually praise strength, despise weakness, and will exploit or dominate, control other people. These people fear personal limitations, helplessness, and uncontrollable situations. They may over compensate for such fears how they wish to  present them selves to the world.


5. The Neurotic Need to Exploit Others

This is a Horney concept not universally included in other authorities  views, but as a practical matter it seems useful to include. In other writings when the analysis of guilt becomes the focus the reason for this inclusion surfaced. How is it some exploit others without apparent guilt? This then in particular may explains on a need basis actively narcissistic and without balance from a an internal Super-Ego or an ethico-moral belief system? Are the pressures from the other basic needs somehow overwrite or corrupt any balanced seeking of satisfactions in regard to others or societies laws?


These individuals view others in terms of what can be gained through association with them.

People with this need generally pride themselves in their ability to exploit other people, how crafty
the are , how they beat the system appears ideal to them. They often focus on manipulating others to obtain for themselves or sometimes their organizations, desired objectives, including such things as ideas, power, money, or sex.



6. The Neurotic Need for Prestige

Individuals with a need for prestige value themselves in terms of public recognition and acclaim. Material possessions, personality characteristics, professional accomplishments, and loved ones are valued on their prestige value. These individuals often live in fear od public embarrassment and loss of social status.


7. The Neurotic Need for Personal Admiration

Individuals with a neurotic need for personal admiration are narcissistic and have an exaggerated self-perception. Admiration an turn of an over valuation of their body, sex organs. Or just being the star of their own little productions.

When they want to be admired based on this imagined self-view, not upon how they really are they are moving neurotic.



8. The Neurotic Need for Personal Achievement


According to Horney, people push themselves to achieve greater and greater things as a result of every human trait, ' basic insecurity'. Basic Insecurity in her view is fundamental and strong and if we read her correctly, ever bit as important as the sex instincts. You have to come to grips with its influence in your life to gain control over it. It is often the driving force behind a persons various moves in relationship to his personal object world.


 These individuals fear failure and feel a constant need to accomplish more than other people and to top even their own earlier successes.



9. The Neurotic Need for self-sufficiency and Independence

These individuals exhibit a “loner” mentality, distancing themselves from others in order to avoid being tied down or dependent upon or being responsible for other people. Other move-like relationships are sometimes shut down suddenly when closeness and responsibility factors are recognized.


10. The Neurotic Need for Perfection and Un assailability


These individuals constantly strive for complete infallibility.

 A common feature of this neurotic need is self-searching for personal flaws in order to quickly change or cover up these perceived imperfections. A few people begin self-analysis to sharpen their skills in this respect. They are following a delusion and will fail until they recognize the pursuit itself is what was in fact neurotic.

The Neurotic Needs--These are Truely Basic

"The Neurotic Needs" as offerd by Karen Horney, MD, Psychoanalyst

List of Neurotic Needs Psychoanalytic theorist and proponent of systematic Self-Analysis was Karen Horney, the pre- World I born psychoanalyst developed a multiple premise theory of neurosis. IN HER VIEW NEUROSIS, was very broad, as to include all of human experience which can be considered problematic for individuals. The problematic events came from both childhood and environment. Certain functions exist every human that affect or appear to cause key aspects of off tract or problematic results, not necessarily mind sick, but dysfunctional or on some continuum of things neurotic. She believed that neurosis in its varying degrees resulted from basic anxiety caused by interpersonal relationships. Her theory proposes that strategies used to cope with anxiety are or can be overused, causing them to actually shape the appearance and particular qualities of needs. If one understand how neurotic needs are so shaped presumably he would then where the purpose of a particular need originated. According to Horney, basic anxiety (and therefore neurosis) could result from (and was usually traceable to a variety of things built on early development and frequently caused characteristics backward traceable as to being patterns derived from childhood. With development came certain revisions, as different life passages were encountered. The revisions somewhat modify but keep a portion of the old and largely emotional set preferences as part of the new usually more appropriate settings of the preferences self-other. Childhood mishandling is of particular important in this. The child’s miss-interpretation of the events also are important. The child is theorized as seeing much of its experience as coming from a hostile outside world. She added a concept of a Basic Hostility. Basic Hostility of the world agaist the self then is a shaping factor for the adult needed to be part of an self-analysis often to answer the question How can this be that I distrust, feel put upon by others etc. This Basic Hostility and Basic Anxiety and emotional belief that flow from them has life long influences on self/other needs and other directions, symptoms and dysfunctions. She makes clear one cannot blame all neurosis on parental upbringing. However actual mishandling results in self[other set needs to result in distorted results See suggested ones such as direct or indirect domination, indifference, erratic behavior, lack of respect for the child's individual needs, lack of real guidance, disparaging attitudes, too much admiration or the absence of it, lack of reliable warmth, having to take sides in parental disagreements, too much or too little responsibility, over-protection, isolation from other children, injustice, discrimination, un-kept promises, hostile atmosphere, and so on and so on" Self-Others, (Relationship Movers) The three broad ‘directional’ categories. The 'neurotic needs' can be classed into three broad categories base on how one relates oneself to others. It also sets the term 'Neurotic' on a continuum of degrees found in almost everyone from the more or less normal, to those unquestionably deserving to be called 'neurotic' or sometimes termed in non technical views as sick. Therefore some caution should be used in calling all minor maladjustment and symptoms 'neurotic' unless the point under discussion has effects that are recognizably inappropriate or exaggerated. Also many things that Dr. Horney's places under the problems or symptoms as 'Neurotic' is without this being any kind of a value judgment. The purpose in self-analysis is to open the way to self understanding. It is intended to be used to explain and offer an additional ways to understand events in respect to their relation to yourself. The Three-- 'Basic self-others Directional Needs, 'Every Human has at times impulses to move himself in directions that could carry meanings 'Neurotic.' towards others away from others against others These are neurotic needs when they move you in your relationship with others to a degree that overshoots normal satisfaction or self-security goals that affect your relationships to others. towards others These neurotic needs cause some individuals to seek affirmation and acceptance from others and are motivators behind dependant clinging. The function to seek out and find approval and love. away from others Needs that move you away from others. These neurotic needs create hostility and antisocial behavior. These individuals are often described as cold, indifferent, and aloof. against others Needs that move you against others. These neurotic needs result in hostility and a need to control other people. These individuals are often described as difficult, domineering, and unkind. On was return here to a early and strong Basic Hostility as reappearing in adult life with little disguise. Well-adjusted individuals Well-adjusted individuals mix balanced others/self relations. Well-adjusted individuals, thus not mind sick or clinically neurotic, utilize all three of these strategies, shifting focus depending on internal and external factors, adaptively. What makes these inclinations or coping strategies neurotic? According to Horney, it is the overuse of one or more of these self-others interpersonal modes. Neurotic people tend to utilize two or more of these ways of coping, at the same time that reinforces or exaggerates results, as to end up in creating in the awareness function recognizable conflict, turmoil, and confusion. And at the same time produce certain behavioral dysfunctions, symptoms or acting out behaviors. This also an other way of looking at some relationships being, self advantageous or socially destructive. In her book Self-Analysis (1942), Horney outlined the 10 neurotic needs she had identified and which we presume are those to which you were at least aware of as your took it on to yourself to self-analyze. She seemed confident that most not to mind sick and reasonably intelligent can recognize these when they have a knowledge or their nature. You will know the neurotic needs  when you see them and their is no need to memorize the list and try to force everything you turn up as you proceed. You should read this lists and similar ones you may find as being good only for there assistance values useful as recognition aids, not some kind of black and white litmus tests. This applies also to all those interesting and fun personality tests you may be trying. They are useful for their recognition value not as a complete analysis of yourself. They or most other things the kind are not magic passports or holy books for a meaningful self-analysis. Neurotic Needs ( or sub-needs i.e., prestige/admiration/self display are suggested here to be seen also as possibly a cluster of effects all related even though sometimes polar in meaning). Some the needs offered here may belong together in some other cluster than the one they turn up in. Dream analysis provides clues as to many tricky transpositions of needs. Don't expect to find a cookbook procedure with that answers all questions. No such book exists in reality. Your mind is your mind and ultimately you must work its special nature as it exists uniquely within you. These is no good reason why you should not make it a life long tool permitting self analysis as you need it. On demand so to speak. Any expectations that such self analysis will make you a perfect or super person will fail as life is an ongoing thing with new challenges just ahead. In the end is as miage that moves just ahead of you. Hopfully not one of delusion but of a new interest,s new adventures, interisting and more understandable. Many directional relationships are layered and mixed what you can see today may not fully explain itself until months or years later rather than instantly. There is always more if only new drama telling a fresh version od an old very human story, Until then, you must continue to fight many resistances events, work through what is being uncovered, and move on to exploring things new and old. 1. The Neurotic Need for Affection and Approval This needs include the desires to be liked, to please other people, and meet the expectations of others. People with this type of need are extremely sensitive to rejection and criticism and fear the anger or hostility of others. 2. The Neurotic Need for a Partner Who Will Take Over One’s Life This involves the need to desire such a partner. People with this need suffer extreme fear of being lonely, abandoned by their partner. Oftentimes, these individuals place an exaggerated importance on physical aspects of love and believe that having the right partner will resolve all of life’s troubles. 3. The Neurotic Need to Restrict One’s Life Within Narrow Borders Individuals with this need prefer to remain inconspicuous and unnoticed. They are undemanding and content with little. They avoid wishing for material things, often making their own needs secondary and undervaluing their own talents and abilities. 4. The Neurotic Need for Power, Control. Individuals with this need seek power for its own sake. They usually praise strength, despise weakness, and will exploit or dominate, control other people. These people fear personal limitations, helplessness, and uncontrollable situations. They may over compensate for such fears how they wish to present them selves to the world. 5. The Neurotic Need to Exploit Others This is a Horney concept not universally included in other authorities views, but as a practical matter it seems useful to include. In other writings when the analysis of guilt becomes the focus the reason for this inclusion surfaced. How is it some exploit others without apparent guilt? This then in particular may explains on a need basis actively narcissistic and without balance from a an internal Super-Ego or an ethico-moral belief system? Are the pressures from the other basic needs somehow overwrite or corrupt any balanced seeking of satisfactions in regard to others or societies laws? These individuals view others in terms of what can be gained through association with them. People with this need generally pride themselves in their ability to exploit other people, how crafty the are , how they beat the system appears ideal to them. They often focus on manipulating others to obtain for themselves or sometimes their organizations, desired objectives, including such things as ideas, power, money, or sex. 6. The Neurotic Need for Prestige Individuals with a need for prestige value themselves in terms of public recognition and acclaim. Material possessions, personality characteristics, professional accomplishments, and loved ones are valued on their prestige value. These individuals often live in fear od public embarrassment and loss of social status. 7. The Neurotic Need for Personal Admiration Individuals with a neurotic need for personal admiration are narcissistic and have an exaggerated self-perception. Admiration an turn of an over valuation of their body, sex organs. Or just being the star of their own little productions. When they want to be admired based on this imagined self-view, not upon how they really are they are moving neurotic. 8. The Neurotic Need for Personal Achievement According to Horney, people push themselves to achieve greater and greater things as a result of every human trait, ' basic insecurity'. Basic Insecurity in her view is fundamental and strong and if we read her correctly, ever bit as important as the sex instincts. You have to come to grips with its influence in your life to gain control over it. It is often the driving force behind a persons various moves in relationship to his personal object world. These individuals fear failure and feel a constant need to accomplish more than other people and to top even their own earlier successes. 9. The Neurotic Need for self-sufficiency and Independence These individuals exhibit a "loner" mentality, distancing themselves from others in order to avoid being tied down or dependent upon or being responsible for other people. Other move-like relationships are sometimes shut down suddenly when closeness and responsibility factors are recognized. 10. The Neurotic Need for Perfection and Un-assailability These individuals constantly strive for complete infallibility. A common feature of this neurotic need is self-searching for personal flaws in order to quickly change or cover up these perceived imperfections. A few people begin self-analysis to sharpen their skills in this respect. They are following a delusion and will fail until they recognize the pursuit itself is what was in fact neurotic.

More than slightly rewritten to fit this format and for use of, 'The Szondi Test Study Group" While not based on any Szondi concepts its usefulness speaks for itself.

e= "open" or the core level emotional discharge.	The basic conflict starts even before speech develops. Often, the "crying jags" of depressed patients can, by a hypnosis procedure, called 'age regression' be traced back to events belonging to their pre-speech period of development.
It begins with a off and on display of paroxysmal displays that arethe precursors to speech itself, and recur through out life when words fail.

I am a internet pornography junkie--it's wrecking my life. HELP.

I am a internet pornography junkie--it's wrecking my life. My girl friend gets totally disgusted with me when I try to get her to share it with me. She says it's all over between us unless I kick the habit. I try telling her it just harmless excitement, that all my pals do, and should in no way reflect on our relationship. She won't listen to the fact that my love transcends any trivial viewing of of outer life styles that are part of the modern world. More than a little hurt but to please her, I tried for month to not load my favorite porno site. I was shocked how strong the urge was and how quickly my other interests on the web bored me to death. I QUESTIONED MYSELF--Am I really porno addicted, when and how did it come to override my interest in news and sports? Further my girlfriend really hurt my feelings, literally--gut level, by saying "Don't get into your head that you and I are ever going to do any that disgusting perverse stuff you watch. Quit it or its over between us." Now I reallise I am ineting my erotic interests in a bunch ot total fictions run the show and that she is right that that in some sence this addiction also demeans her and kills some qualities of our sharing life together --even if that was not an intended affect. I now, after much denial recognizable I am addicted, I even can't sleep and feel totally miserable, when I don't get a fix of my cherished animated close up, action shots, super detailed nothing left to the imagination XXXX porno for hire. I am close to going nuts. What should I do?

---

What you should do is get into therapy before, your relationship life turns into a mockery of the real thing. Your girlfriend intuitivly recognizes that is where your relationship is headed. Ther is a opinion that prono adction is as difficult to treat as a cocaine addiction--A slight exaggeration in my opinion. My online hypnosis based experience is that by using a number of special hypno-scripts created with the focus being to create a transitions based on what the preferred sexual images mean to you personally and not its surface meanings. Then analyzing what happens to you thinking feelings and behavious after each script to bui;d the next appropriate one. This requires close cooperation to carry forward reinforcing results. This carried out overtime should lead to the to the result of you bing in charge of yourself and not diven by the porno addiction. This may require a series of hypno-scripts made to order for your particular issues and mind set. This process, with pornography once out of your life can improve several other aspects of your relationship life such as a more mature adult stance, better self-esteem and meaningful personal relationships. Not quick or easy and relapses can occur on the way to t to results. The with pornography issues is an important part of my hypnosis work at the present time.

---

Contact me for more details  about on-line help when you  are ready--.

__Hypnosis Master at Ingenio.com
__Hypnodoc at liverperson.com
__Dr. Butler, DC,  at Hypnosis_on_ line.com 

Hypnodoc--Help me--I'm going bonkers over having to wake up to a new reality--My dream guy was not totally up front with the truth.

Hypnosis Master's Relationship & Help-Work.

This is a help-work blog, on the practical use of hypnosis in respect to finding, maintaining and repairing relationships. This has long been denied any official recognition, I wish to post here, what those applications are, and how they may be used.

Inquiry-to-Hypnosis-Masters-Relationship Help Work-

Inquiry to Hypnosis Master's/Relationship Help.

Going bonkers over having to wake up to a new reality--My dream guy was not totally up front with the truth.

1:24:38 AM/--Its a lonely weekend without my guy--one thirty in the morning--I'm lonely and sad, I don't know where to turn now. I'm too upset to sleep and ended up here at Ingenio.com ---It's caused by this; color="red"> I've been dating a man for most of a year. My painful gut level concern is mostly that I was misled to believe his divorce was final when it was not. His story was that his wife cheated on him with his son's high school coach. He claims they divorced using self-divorce filing through a paralegal color="black">secretary for the divorce procedure and this paralegal, somehow botched the divorce being final. On hearing this, I helped him get an attorney to get this issue cleared up. He now say's the divorce is not going to be pretty and he's got a lot to figure out including the possibility of being taken to the cleaners for his house, money support and access to his son. This new version does not jibe with the earlier story of the no contest involved, self-divorce agreement, he led me to believe had happened. We both are into sports things (and that's how I met him.) We attend week end and he stays over at my place as he lives some distance away. color="#ff0080">This has been one is the happiest times in my life. However, a weekend past, we had the usual great weekend together, but on Monday morning, as he was leaving he began babbling near incoherent about something, things as being "revolting and destructive" about to happening, and that he needed to be left alone for a while. As he left for home he implied that meant, I was not to call him at home, any more, he would call me. Nevertheless in the days following I get emails and amorous text messages from him. He says he's really lonely and depressed and is thinking of seeing a doctor about it. I really loved our happy relationship, and wish to deny that it that was just a sleep over party for him. I ask myself is this the end? Is it me? Do I need some insight into the male mind in a situation like this? I strongly feel I want to support him right now, but feel somehow this not a 100% on the level deal on his part. What can I do to feel whole and happy again?

Hypnosis Master's Response:

This is a very bad situation, you find yourself in --when despite your heartfelt love, things do not unfold as you had believed they were on the way to be, with the fulfillment of the dream guy entering your life. Now suddenly gone off track against an aura of backing out and uncertainty. I can guide you as to redirect your focus to better results, which is through some SELF-REPAIR mind-set changes you need to cope and cushion the blow, the frustration the anger, the grief, should this prove be the end or through his real love for you he fixes things honestly and fairly and comes to you as you envision it. You need help and support right now regardless of how this is to play out as your doubts are fully justified at this point. I understand you wanting to help, but are now shut out. Since this is so new and out of character for him. It might be wise to be his friend and sympathetic listener only as long as he reports process in freeing himself to be with you. If you don't set some boundaries you will end up his mistress as thousands of women do every year. He, presume is in a turmoil mind set and must ask for help, if he understands he needs help. I might, however help you to strengthen and minimize the impact this is having on you. Because this is a truly bad situation, let me guess the questions you avoided. Does this mean he and his wife are back together?-- (It sounds that way), but you should give him some time, as he asks for, to resolve his issues at home one way or the other. It doe not sound like being a married man's mistress or weekend party girl is compatible to your image of yourself. But you can see how a woman might find herself in that position at the end of a chain of events that unfolded contrary to what she really wonted. That men and women use rewritten truths to seize the moment and enjoy things as brilliant new attractions is a universal truth, you may not want to hear. It's too soon to write this guy off and move on, as there is still some hope, that he may yet. do what he has to in order to return to you. Waiting can be in vain and a form of self-torture or if differently, it finally happens, a great reward. The real question now facing you is what to do from here on, grieving, distracted, lonely and nearly crossing over into anxiety, anger and perhaps real . My HYPNOSIS processes are tailored to your issues and stresses need to be at regular interval to keep your life in stable comfort zone. and to unload the suppressed grief, hurt and anger would to offer the the elements of repair you would require probably would require {first weekly drill, month and finally-- do it yourself hypnosis.} This hypnosis method serves to break through the clutter, the fog, the self-lies (yes, you most likely have some too) to reach your subconscious, from there to guide you with specific empowering hypnosis Master's Hypno-Scripts. These are ones best described as useful for those mind states that are destructive to human relations or health, anger, anxiety, frustration, addiction, mood disorders. It's probable that is not the answer you hoped to hear. But the truth is, you being in charge of your self, and the re-enforcing your self-esteem and ability to make sensible choices is what it takes to weather the storm and come out on top.

Couple's Thrapy is not working for me. What can I do?

Professional Help Not unfolding As expected.

My sister in law, who is a psychiatric nurse and whose opinion I value, recommended

that I go to the doctor sessions with my depressed wife, even though I felt there was nothing wrong with me, to support the help for my, depressed wife. We had sessions together and separately with this psychiatrist, MD, doctor. He put my wife on Zolof and an anti-anxiety med, which made sense to me, and which seemed to help her to some degree, and for which I am grateful. However, In the joint sessions the doctor did try to get us to talk about our life together, the result was long silences and intervals where my wife set and sobbed, saying little. When I because uptight and offered some comment, he would tell me to let her answer, and the event just repeated again. The rest of the session was about effects or non-effects about the medications she was taking, He emphasized strict compliance and asked me for verification of the results. Fair enough, maybe he has a plan. this went on for six months, with some slight improvements in my wife's talking, both at home and in the sessions.

I do not know what went on in my wife's private sessions as the doctor keeps it confidential and that with my private sessions, it was the same. In my sessions, I told him my honest gripes, My wife was close to useless, listless, and for no reason, and was totally uninterested in making friendly or loving exchanges and that we had not had sex in a year. And that after nine months of therapy, she still rejected my overtures for closeness to the point I was feeling hopeless and was getting a little depressed myself. At this point the doctor insisted, I start on Zoloff--although I protested against it, with the argument my kind of depression had an obvious cause and was not clinical depression as was my wife's was. (Getting louder-)- That all he needed to do was "fix" my wife and I wouldn't need medication or sessions with him. This was too much for me now, frustrated and angry, I got up and walked out and haven't been back since. I have turned over the job of taking my wife to her appointments to my sister in law. Now I feel guilty and uptight about shifting my responsibility on to my sister in law and evading my responsibilities. But I no longer feel any confidence in this doctor's handling of me or my wife's issues.

My dilemma now is this, my wife does not want to change doctor's for herself, and has become verbal enough to tell me her depression is caused by me and I should get the hell out of her life. I feel I should report that to the doctor, but am now outside the loop. Should I just leave it alone and maybe start perhaps on-line some sort of therapy for my self to tolerate or immunize my self to my wife's new ability to bad mouth me, and chip away at my self-esteem. I'm getting so, that I dread coming home from work to be with her.

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My heart goes out to you, but I cannot make choices for you. Should you personally change doctors go back to he same doctor find a new one or seek on-line help has to be your decision. You report that your depressed wife it appears as the result the sessions has became verbal enough to blame you for her depression in an openly hostile way, you finds hard to take. As if the therapist didn't give a damn about this impacting you adversely and was somehow encouraging your wife to at hostile to you. As that's the way you feel, wither justified or not, it is something you need to work through either with the same therapist, or one of your own choosing. That can be done locally through available mental health sources, of various medical and psychological types that might fit your circumstances. Since you are approaching me and not these recommended services, I presume your are interested in hypnosis as a way to reassert your lost self-esteem, recover the feeling of being in control of your life and crucial now, the coping with not only your wife's depression but her blaming you through hostile vocalizing. (Which might be helping her, but crushing you in the process.) If you feel you have make a change, hypnosis is a way that for the most part attempts to directly change your mind-set and redirect your emotional energies toward appropriate functioning.

It is not medication or psychiatric counseling as ordinarily conceived, but the systematic restarting of motivations though repetitious applications of hypno-scripts that address your personal issues and needs. This is not magic or any pie in the sky stuff. The hypnosis work cannot change actual reality. It can change how you feel about and deal with your realities. In your case, it would logically be, to create a mind-set of immunity to your wife's hostility, re-building your self-esteem and coping abilities. This has to be done over time and new scripts prepared, and as adjusted to meet the inevitable changing circumstances and stresses.

Let me know what you chose to do I would be happy to offer what advice that I can anytime you ask.

Forrest Butler, Hypnosis Master

Ingenio.com

A Guy asks--''My girl friend is a relentless 'Party Girl' - - -What can I do..?

----I am working days and attending college at night to finalize my professional certification. I have neither the time or the money to do more than a one of two dancing and drinking parties a month, much less two or three times a week . Recently she has started going out with the girls-harmless socializing she tells me. This really upsets me, I can't study as my mind drifts away from my lesson work on to wondering just where and with who she is partying. I feel jealousy, loneliness and a kind or grief obviously sicko. I have never experienced such misery before. Somehow, I see this as the beginning of the end of our relationship of more than 2 years. I try to tell myself that might be so--and I had better accept it. I also fear failing the upcoming certification examinations and thereby, losing out on a planned placement opportunity, and a major embarrassment, if I should not pass. Can you calm my mind so I can at least study and retain focus long enough to make the no exception pass or fail examination work.

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Your requests for hypnosis to aid your examination study is very straight forward and as you point out has only been a problem since you are not able to devote adequate time to go out girlfriend and the associated partying and of course, the romance activity she desires. This could change in various ways with new circumstances, so don't be too quick to see this as the end. It might be useful if she asked for the help, but that is unlikely while she is in this social whirlwind.

As a practical matter you need two hypno-scripts 1] To communicate your feelings to your girl friend, and importantly, for you coping, and grasping what her feelings and hopes are, to slow down. Without some reframing in your relationship arena you will continue to suffer.

2] The hypno-script for focused study when under a pass-fail examination pressure.

To do this, takes some further details about your personality and the sort of thoughts that are flooding your mind and undermining your ability to study. We have some clues-- you mentioned to start with, but it's a good guess you did not say them all. An effective hypno-script needs to fit a person as close as a proper key fits a certain lock. When strong disruptions exist, the better match the hypno-script is, the better the chance for the desired results. Any case with such strong interferences, like this one, needs more than any ready made hypno-scripts, but needs precise suggestions that meet the client's authentic needs and issues. Logically best results generally occur when a person's worries, issues and needs are clearly understood and also explains, why any particular results might be derailed with new pressures. You need to set up the working process for study with enough time to cover the material and have your energy at peak performance, at and through the examination event.

Contact me when you are ready, do not wait to the last minute.

Forrest Butler: Hypnosis Master Aedvisor and Hypnosis Practitioner. Best wishes.